Wednesday, January 14, 2009

How To - this is the new self help 3

How to make yourself (believably) presentable in proper company

Be it your Grandmother, your boyfriends’ grandmother or the Queen mother coming to tea, sometimes you have to pretend you are not a wanton hussy with an empty fridge and an un-emptied rubbish bin in order to be accepted in life. Here’s how to do it right.

Do tidy your house, empty the rubbish, and scrub the dried toothpaste dribbles from the bathroom sink.

Don’t be tempted to fill your house with pink peonies, or any other effeminate blooms.

Do hide away your massive collection of spirits, but leave out your interesting collection of books/music to show you have a personality.

Contrary to popular belief, high neck sweaters, cardigans, and demure cotton day dresses are not convincing. Toned down versions of your usual style are.

And one more thing – do not, I repeat, do not attempt to lose your nerves by drinking wine at the first formal event. I know from experience that the results are far from desirable.

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